EM, Finances, and Relationship with God

We are on four-week blocks, doing a different rotation each block. This block is my Emergency Medicine rotation. Despite being a rather laid-back rotation and having some interesting cases come through the ER, I have had a tough time on this block. Actually, I think it's because it's so laid back that it's tough (remind me of this next month when I'm whinging about having too much to do). Since the ER documentation system is different from what the rest of the hospital uses and we residents aren't set up to use it, I don't have to/can't record anything on any of the patients. This also means that I basically have no official responsibilities while on this rotation, a situation that lends itself to feelings of uselessness. A good system has been to watch the board for new patients, then act like I have responsibilities to care for them. I do a history and physical, then report to the attending ER physician what I've found, what I think is wrong, and what I would like to do for the patient. We can then discuss what may be going on and I can get critiqued and learn from the case. This makes it feel like I'm actually doing something meaningful and definitely engages my mind more than just floating about doing half-hearted H&Ps and homing in on just the cool stuff.

Speaking of cool stuff, I have sewn up a machete cut and stapled up scalps split open by a 2x4 and a door edge. We have also had a patient actively seizing; a snake bite victim; myriad belly and chest pains; a mostly-resolved stroke; a possible medication ingestion; and a psychotic patient who taught me that psychotic people can have the full range of fears, anxiety, and childish immaturity that non-psychotic people have.

I am more or less following Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover plan for getting out of debt, and I am seeing some exciting progress on my highest-interest loan. It is really heartening to feel like I am getting a handle on my finances and I am really thankful that God has blessed me with this income. Some of my fellow residents have the mentality that they're doctors, so they can start spending like doctors, and it's an odd feeling to be in the same boat as them, yet living much more frugally. I'm living in an apartment that's not just cheap in regard to its cost, I'm driving a car that's pretty well lost its curb appeal but that I take pride in maintaining, and I'm not buying stuff left and right. Now and then I'll want to buy a new car or a bright, shiny toy, but for the most part I'm getting a good deal of satisfaction from living responsibly and paying off what I owe.

It has been made apparent that my relationship with God has been distant lately. I want to be a great husband, father, and physician, but above all of these, I want to be a devoted man of God. I keep relearning the fact that my relationship with God is an ongoing process of getting to know him better and not a one-time action after which you can just coast. I guess you could say I've thrown it back in gear and have stopped coasting. Back to the part about being a great husband, if I'm not interested in growing closer to God and try to start a spark of godliness just so I can be with a woman who is devotedly following God, that spells trouble. But if, already having the flame of desiring to grow in my walk with God, I find a woman who fans ablaze that flame, great! "How did you go from your walk with God to finding a godly woman," you ask? Well, it's a long story. In any case, the next paragraph is related.

The other day, while browsing a Christian dating site, I felt so weary of wanting and waiting to get married and worrying over how much to invest in a relationship each time an opportunity comes along and whether it's going to lead anywhere. I prayed that the next time I got involved with a woman would be the relationship that leads to marriage. Later on, I found the profile of a woman who, as far as I can tell, is devoted to living for God and growing closer to him. On her profile, she mentioned that since she isn't subscribed to the site's email service, one would basically have to Facebook stalk her to get in touch. Having become adept at this, Despite not having done this before, I was able to find her rather easily and sent her a friend request and an email. She accepted my friend request, but said in her reply email that her intent had been to reject this friend request from some random person, but accidentally hit the wrong button. Had she hit the right button, she wouldn't have seen my message. I believe her accidentally connecting with me on Facebook was a work of God, but my hope is not in assuming that we will get married, but rather in knowing that regardless of what pans out in my relationship with her, God is working "all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." This is an unexpected bit of peace in a situation in which I typically would be champing at the bit to forge ahead in this relationship. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7&8) Praise God.

Scott